If you think you are in an abusive relationship,
get out of it as quickly as you can.
When people think about abuse they tend to think only about physical abuse. But abuse in a relationship can take many forms. It can be physical, emotional, sexual or financial.
It goes without saying that no one should have to endure abuse. Your partner should be the one you can trust, who will treat you with respect and who will love you no matter what. When there is no respect or love left in a relationship, it is time to leave him or her behind.
Why Is Ending An Abusive Relationship So Hard?
Your abusive partner may become angry when you leave him/her. So, not only is it hard to finally break free of your abusive partner, but also you should be prepared to lead a different life after ending your relationship.
It can be very difficult to decide on how to end the relationship in a safe way. Truth is also that even hours of preparation cannot guarantee a safe exit from your relationship, but it can help make you a bit safer at least.
If you are wondering if you are in one-side relationship, check out my other article to help you identify the warning signs: How to Spot an Abusive Relationship
Step 1: Acknowledge what is happening
The first step is recognizing the abuse. Only when you truly recognize and acknowledge the abuse will you be emotionally able to end your relationship. It is time to see things for what they really are and decide that it is time to end this abuse.
Abuse comes in many forms. Physical abuse may include pushing, hitting, or any other form of physical assault on you. There is absolutely no excuse for this type of assault. It calls for criminal charges!
Then there is emotional abuse, which can include belittling your partner, threats, intimidation, degradation, humiliation, and trying to control your behavior. These are all with the goal of making you feel terrible or worthless.
Sexual abuse is about being pressured – or even forced – into sex that is unwanted, unsafe, or even degrading. A man who impregnates a woman without her consent or forces her to terminate a pregnancy are also forms of sexual abuse.
Financial abuse is about losing your personal freedom if your partner tries to control your financial situation. This could be like limiting your ability to work, stealing money that you have earned, or not allowing you to have access to shared bank accounts.
Step 2: Document the abuse
This is probably not something you want to think about. But you might have to face your abuser in court someday and to be prepared for that eventuality, it is wise to document the abuse. This kind of evidence can help you get a restraining order against the abuser.
You can document abuse in multiple ways:
- Recording audio, like when your partner is intimidating or threatening you.
- Taking photographs, like photographing your physical wounds or bruises after an attack.
- Write dates and events in a journal, like the triggers and the happenings that ensued.
Also, whenever you face physical abuse, you must report to the local authorities and seek medical attention. The police reports and medical records will serve as solid evidences to support your case. Always to remember to keep these records hidden.
Step 3: Make a safety plan
Next up, make a list of all the people who can help you and offer you shelter for a while. Write down names, phone numbers, and address so you have a complete overview of who you can reach out to.
If you have children, make sure they also have phone numbers that they can call, in case of an emergency.
Do make sure to protect this list from your abusive partner, as it will surely make him or her angry.
Step 4: Leave
The final step is to leave your partner and end the relationship. You do not even have to give an explanation or leave a note. Just leave. Ensure your safety. The best time to leave is of course when your abusive partner is not at home.
If you fear you are in imminent danger you can call the police and ask them to pick you up.
As soon as you are safe, change your passwords and locks. Make sure your phone is not being tracked by the abuser. And open a separate bank account.
Relationships that are fairly new are easier to end. But there are also abusive marriages, where it can be much more complicated. Do make sure you end the relationship as soon as possible. An abusive person is not going to change very soon. Do not let yourself be a victim. Even if you are in a relationship that is starting to become abusive, just end it. Most likely, your partner is not going to change.
And always remember: abuse is not your fault, it is the fault of the abuser. You are not worthless and you deserve a better future and a better partner.
Author Bio:- Rachel Pace is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.