My husband and I are torn about the helper issue. It has been three weeks now since we have let go of our helper. I am very tired but my heart and mind are at peace that my kids are in good hands.
What I do now is that I make use of whatever free hands available to me. It can be my husband, my in-laws, my parents, the other helpers, or even my older daughter in order to do things around. It has been pretty challenging because the baby has gotten used to being carried by the helper that she refuses to be placed on the bed–whether awake or asleep. Sigh…just one of the damages that she has brought to our family. I get some work done or sleep whenever I can. I don’t waste my time. I do what I am supposed to do as soon as I get the chance to do it.
Anyway, I don’t want to hire another yaya/helper anymore and go to through the trial and error process, not knowing what she is doing to my children. Even if we install a CCTV camera in the room, there is still the bathroom, the dining room, the kitchen, the laundry area, and the store that will be beyond my eyesight. And this does not include the areas outside the house, like Dindin’s ballet class and school.
I am just consoling myself with the thought that this is just a passing stage. I am tired but I trust God that He will see me through this from strength to strength. I believe that He will not serve this situation on my plate if He thinks I am not capable of handling it.
My husband on the other hand thinks we really need a helper. That is because he is also working all day, six days a week. And although he just works at the store, he cannot possibly make himself available whenever I need him. Additionally, he knows my physical capacities and how tired I can easily get. He also knows that I get cranky when I am so tired or I lack sleep. And most of the time, that exhaustion turns into frustration and is vented out on Dindin.
I guess I just wanted a chance–a chance to prove myself and also to redeem myself. I feel that I had not given my best to Dindin while she was growing up and when I was pregnant, so I want to make it up to her.
God help me. So many mothers had gone before me with more children than I have. So I can only pray that we will breeze through this stage with flying colors. For now, no helper for us. And maybe, not ever.