Relationship Advice: You Cannot Change Your Other Half

The truth is, people cannot make someone else change. Never is that more true than in a marriage. A wife can’t change her husband. A husband can’t change his wife. BUT God can change both. We have to learn that it’s not our job to change our spouse, anyway.

No amount of nagging and criticizing will accomplish it, no matter how hard we try. God made each of us in His image, and He doesn’t want us to try and make our spouse over into out own image.

-Stormie Omartian

I took this quote by one of my favorite authors, Stormie Omartian, from a friend’s Facebook wall. And it really reminded me because in the past, I have counseled some young women on the issue of their relationships. They are in troubled boyfriend-girlfriend relationships but they do not want to let go because they feel like they are the only ones who can understand their boyfriends and they are the only ones who can make them change.


But that is how many women feel, like they are the saviors of their men. And sadly, a lot of these relationships continue into marriage. Then when the wife becomes tired of “saving” her husband always, she makes demands so that he will change. The approach could be different but the point is, the wife continues to expect her husband to change in the image that she would like him to become.

If it does not happen, she complains long and hard, gossips about her husband, embarasses him in front of other people, and just nags him endlessly. Then she complains that she is no longer happy in the marriage and eventually wants out.

The truth of the matter is, we as women are other halves of the marriage. We complete the whole. If we take over and take charge of our husbands, we are trying to make clones of ourselves. It is not only impossible to do, it is disastrous to a marriage.

If there is really something obviously wrong in your husband that is bringing grief to you and your family, like gambling, infidelity, or other vices, then bring your petitions to God because He will hear your prayers. And He will be the one to do the changing. It is in His capacity to do so but it is definitely beyond us.

4 thoughts on “Relationship Advice: You Cannot Change Your Other Half

  1. Amen! This is very true! Our marriage is in God’s hands. I remember the idea I was reflecting on the other day: “God is the builder and sustainer of marriages.” =)

  2. so true!
    before i had that mentality na you can change people.
    But no…walang sinuman ang pwedeng makapagpabago sa isang tao but except sarili nya.
    Yes. We can be a reason why that someone change..but not because we impose it or whatsoever..they choose it..

  3. This is fact no one can change their halves. We have to accept them what they are despite of expecting something else from them. This attitude of life can make your relation strong than it was before. This is my pray from God to make every couple understanding and cooperative so that they can continue their relationship in beautiful manner.

  4. Indeed,everyone is created in the image of God.Once you marry the person and discovered later on his attributes that you did not like, there is no way for you to change him.No one is perfect even you.You also have to think of your attributes that your partner might want to change, start from yourself.Instead of pushing him to change, put emphasis on his best characteristics that would lead to helping him realize that you’re loving him more because of his positive qualities and look how it would make him change himself little by little everyday.

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