How a fun couple’s game during our family reunion led us to question our marriage and got us talking heart to heart.
My husband’s family on the father’s side went on a year-end holiday at Cana Retreat in Amlan, Negros Oriental for a family reunion. We took a very long road trip just to reach the other side of the island. Thankfully, hubby was able to attend the Ford Safe Driving Program here in Bacolod so he was ready on the road.
On New Year’s Eve, we had a party and while waiting for the stroke of midnight, we played games and exchanged gifts.
One of the games played was for married couples. Our elders played the first round while our generation played the second round. It was just a fun question and answer game to check if our answers are agree. For each corresponding answer, the couples get a point.
We were asked very simple questions based on our day to day married lives. Here are the first six:
For the first six questions, hubby and I all got correct answers. For the seventh question, which was also the last, our young cousin Heinrick, asked, “Who makes the decisions for the kids and home?”
It was a rather complicated question, as every married couple knows that so many choices are made each day and decision-making is usually shared.
There is a joke where the husband says he is the general while the wife is the major of the home. Eventually, he reveals the reason for the rank is that he makes the general decisions while his wife makes the major decisions.
To make the question clearer, the elders of our group changed the question to, “Who makes the major decisions?”
So in this last and final question, my husband and I did not have the same answer. He thought I made the major decisions in our family while I thought that I always let him have the final decision on major matters.
While this was just a fun game and all of us laughed after that, hubby and I got to talking afterwards. I understand that he got confused with the change in the question. Honestly, I probably make most of the daily decisions—what to food to prepare, how to style the kids’ hair, what to let them wear, why grocery items to buy, among other things.
But for major decisions, like business, investments, big purchases, or the direction for our children’s education, my husband almost always has the final say. Or at least, we discuss the pros and cons on the matter and arrive at an informed decision. And heck, I even ask permission or at least inform my husband even I want to buy clothes out of respect for him–even if I use my own money.
In this modern day and age, especially where wives are mostly educated, established in their careers or thriving in their businesses, and contributing to the family budget, the role of major decision making has become blurred. Feminism would tell us that submission is a thing of the past. And in some cases, it is the wife’s word that stands.
Meanwhile, as women have progressed in the society, there are men who to take the words in *Ephesians 5:22* to the extreme while neglecting **Ephesians 5:25-33, which is actually a longer paragraph about husbands loving their wives.
I can be very an opinionated and a very stubborn wife, but I am still old-fashioned. Call me a prude but I believe that the husband is still the head of the home and God has a special anointing for him, especially in the area of decision making.
Well, I can argue with my husband lengthily, but in the end, it’s still his decision that matters more for me. So far, I don’t recall rebelling against him for a major decision that he has made for our family. I may disagree, but I follow.
I am just glad that I have a kind and gentle husband who patiently tries to explain things to me while we are in the process of making a decision and doesn’t just put his foot down just because he says so.
He does not demand submission but he does appreciate it because according to his personality, he prefers interdependence. He also prefers in making decisions together as a couple. But it is my choice to submit to him. Not only in obedience to God’s word, but it has also helped in the many situations where no one will give in and we have reached a stalemate.
In your marriage, who makes the tough decisions?
It’s true that we all have different family arrangements. But are you having problems agreeing you’re your decision-making? If this occurs and it is straining your relationship already, go back to the Word of God. There are so many passages on marriage that we can learn from and guide us in our day to day lives. And yes, we can always ask God in prayer.
My husband did realize that I do let him make the major decisions for our family. We do argue a lot because I am also quite hard-headed and a wee bit emotional. But while I handle the general concerns, it is clear to us that hubby oversees our welfare as a whole. And I trust him to do that.
Actually, the question was quite confusing for me. I still tend to test the waters when making decisions for the family. When there is something that needs to be decided, like purchases or sending the kids to preschool, I try to get my wife’s choice as well as her perspective.
But eventually, my realization was that, she does give me the final say. I just don’t impose if I believe that we can never agree on it. If ever, we try to find a compromise, especially if it’s a very big decision that will affect our family for the rest of our lives.
*Ephesians 5:22 – “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”
*Ephesians 25-33 – “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”