Red Flags That Say You’re in an ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

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Women don’t get into an
abusive relationship on purpose.

abusive relationship

It is sometimes hard to identify a potential abuser when he is still wooing you. In any case, here are some signs that you can watch out for.

Women don’t intentionally get into ab abusive relationship. There are even women who get to escape an abusive relationship, only to find themselves starting a new life with a man whose characteristics are very similar to their exes.

Studies have shown that it takes between five to seven violent acts before a woman decides to finally leave a relationship. Unfortunately, some women are never able to escape their abusers. That’s why it’s so important to avoid getting into a dangerous relationship in the first place.

These are 15 signs that you’re in a romantic relationship with an abuser. If you see any of these behaviors, get out of the relationship as soon as you can and get help.

He Wants a Commitment Right Away

If the guy you’re dating comes on strong and says things like “I’ve never felt like this about anyone” or “I’ve never experienced this kind of love before” after knowing you for just a few weeks, this is a sign that he’s pressuring you into a commitment. While this may seem romantic on the surface, it’s an indication that he craves control and will woo you just long enough to start dictating your every move.

He’s Controlling

If your boyfriend or husband is constantly questioning you about your whereabouts and friends, he’s trying to control your life. If he’s always asking who you’re on the phone with, keeps track of the mileage on your car, and asks to see receipts each time you buy something–this is abuse. You need to leave the situation as soon as you can. Men who exhibit this type of behavior may not be physically abusive immediately, but the emotional toll this can take on you is certainly unhealthy.

He’s Overly Jealous

It’s normal not to want your partner to get too close to someone else, especially if you feel the connection may be a romantic one. However, if your spouse or boyfriend does things like showing up at your job or home without calling first, calling you constantly and always asking who you’re spending time with, this is a sign that he wants you all to himself, and not in a healthy way.

He Tries to Isolate You

A man who takes your phone or car away or restricts your use of them is trying to control you. He may become physically violent if you question him about his behavior, so you may have to call a trusted member and/or the police from work or another phone number. When a man tries to cut you off from family members and friends, this is also an indication of abuse. Some men may also try to keep you from maintaining or getting a job as a form of control. This is abuse as well, because if you don’t have any income, he knows that it will be harder for you to leave him.

He Has Unrealistic Expectations

Everyone has expectations in a relationship, but when your man expects you to make him happy in every way, this means you’re in an abusive relationship. If your spouse or boyfriend is depending on you to meet all of his needs, this means he’ll be critical of nearly everything you do, and there’s no way you can have a fulfilling relationship under those terms.

He’s Mean to Children and Animals

If your man gets pleasure from killing animals or brutally harming them when they “misbehave,” pay attention. He’s an abuser, and it may not be long until he turns that aggression toward you. He may also tease children mercilessly, bully them, or expect them to do things they are not capable of.  If he uses physical force to discipline children, this is a bad sign.  Not only should you remove yourself from the situation, but you should contact the necessary organizations to assist the children or animals that are in danger as well.

He Blames You For Your Feelings

When you talk to your partner about an issue or something that bothers you in your relationship, he may be quick to blame you for his actions. For instance, if he tells you that he loses his temper with you because you make him angry, this is a bad sign. If he states that he wouldn’t be overly aggressive or violent if you wouldn’t upset him, it’s time to leave the relationship immediately.

He’s Overly Sensitive

If your man is constantly insulted by constructive criticism and can’t handle hearing that he’s not perfect in every way, this is classic abuser behavior. Men who are angry about the “injustices” that are just a normal part of life are likely to lash out over minor issues—and you could be the target.

He Plays the Blame Game

An abuser doesn’t take responsibility for his actions. Every time something goes wrong, he’s quick to blame someone else. It could be the boss, his family members, or even you. You may be to “blame” for things that you have absolutely nothing to do with, and if you notice this is happening often, it’s time to leave.

He’s “Playfully” Rough During Sex

Everyone has different sexual preferences, and there may be times when you and your partner want to get a little adventurous. However, if your man enjoys holding you down against your will or manipulating you into doing things you’re not comfortable with, these are indicators that he’s an abuser. Abusive men may also make jokes about rape, or find the concept of rape exciting. If you feel like sex is a tedious task and feel pressured into pleasing your partner, it’s time to end the relationship before your safety is seriously compromised.

He Assigns Gender Roles

Abusive men often feel that women should be confined to the home, cooking, cleaning and fulfilling the wishes of their men. He may also expect you to obey him all the time, or have a problem with you expressing your opinion. He may throw a fit if you even dare try to argue.

He’s Verbally Abusive

If your man is always saying mean things to you or criticizing everything you do or even how you look, this is a form of abuse. Abusive men will use your weak or vulnerable areas to attack you and use your flaws against you.

He’s Moody

Your man may be content and pleasant one minute, and suddenly become irritable or angry the next. If you can’t predict your man’s mood and you are afraid of how he may react to simple things, this is a definite red flag.

He Threatens You

If your partner or spouse threatens to cause you physical harm for any reason, he obviously has the tendency to be abusive. If he later dismisses the behavior by telling you that he didn’t mean what he said, or he was just angry, or he was only kidding, this is also a bad sign.

domestic violence

Don’t wait until he hurts you. Get out while you still can.

He Has An Abusive Past

If your man admits to hitting women in the past, but says that he did it because of the situation or because he was provoked, remove yourself from the situation as soon as you can.

If you’ve been a victim of domestic violence or need help leaving an abusive relationship, contact The Woman’s Center for assistance and resources.

It is also important to note that while females are more commonly the victims of domestic violence, over 25 percent of men have experienced domestic violence as well. Resources like nomore.org, safehorizon.org, and nedva.org are instrumental in helping both men and women escape abusive relationships.

Author Bio:- Rachel Pace is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.


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8 thoughts on “Red Flags That Say You’re in an ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP”

  1. Marie Gizelle says:

    I’ve never known anyone abusive so this is a bit ‘new’ to me. Thank you, opened up my eyes to such things… 🙁 (sadly)

    1. Wifey says:

      My mother was not a victim and I am not either. But I feel so strongly against these abusive partners/spouses. I have been a police reporter for some time and I have seen women up close who were victims of abuse. Not nice.

  2. Czjai says:

    I had an overly jealous BF back in college. Ironically, he was also a mama’s boy. We lasted for a little over a year until I called it quits. I can not stand being with a man who gets jealous about the most mundane things.

    1. Wifey says:

      Hay, I can only imagine. Maloloka yata ako nyan.

  3. Summer says:

    This is definitely informative. Women ought to know these things to protect ourselves. Awareness will certainly save you or a friend from an abusive relationship.

  4. Pinay Mommy Lifestyle says:

    At one point in my life, I think I was in one. Good thing that God is so gracious to remove me and my children away from it. As of the moment, I am happy being a single mom. Hard but happy.

    1. Wifey says:

      Good for you Marz. And thankfully. you have God and you are surrounded with supportive friends. This, too, shall pass and I know you will find the person who will love you for the child of the King that you are.

  5. Bedalyn says:

    I feel so blessed that I’m not in that situation, masisiraan siguro ako ng ulo pag ganyan nakatuluyan ko. Thankful ako sa naging partner ko:)

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