Aside from merely a broken marriage, there are so many legal entanglements as well as emotional issues related to a divorce. However, one aspect is often neglected — the emotions. How do you get through the heartbreak of divorce when everything seems to be so chaotic?
When a marriage crumbles and you think about divorce, the most common visible issues become centerstage.
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These issues include the division of property and assets, child custody, child and spousal support, lawyers, meetings, and heart-wrenching court proceedings.
Though all of these legalities need to be addressed, there are much bigger yet unseen issues that are often neglected. These are the psychological impact and heartbreak of a divorce.
Often, this leads to depression and other mental illness.
The Heartbreak of Divorce
Whatever the reason was for the marriage to fall apart, a divorce is essentially the loss or death of a relationship.
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The marriage ties and relationships include you and your partner, plus your immediate circle. These cover your children, family, and friends.
And because we are now very active in social media and we often post about our marriage and family, our circle has gotten bigger. And we don’t know how the divorce affects everyone.
The Various Stages of Grief
When the initial shock of the divorce, as well as the adrenaline in violent proceedings, wear off, you’ll start to feel the various stages of grief.
There are many tasks that need to be fulfilled in relation to a divorce. But if the heartbreak of divorce is ignored, then the husband or wife would suffer the consequences.
At first, friends and family members would notice that a person who just got through a divorce would stop taking care of their health and appearance.
Sometimes, they would vent their anger on the children or isolate themselves from the world. Some start performing poorly at work, coming in late, and missing deadlines
Some may even resort to drugs or alcohol, so addiction would become a problem. Some might even need alcohol treatment in order to get back on track.
Getting Back on Track After the Heartbreak of Divorce
Obviously, a broken marriage is not what you want for your life or your children. You may have started with a dream of a good life with your loved one. Then you dreamed of building your dream home and a family with dogs and a garden.
But then, marital issues crept in and ruined your marriage. It could be outside factors. Or, these could be factors from within, like personality differences. The irritation becomes like termites that destroy the marriage from its foundations.
Therefore, it is imperative that you learn how to get through the heartbreak of divorce in a positive and healthy way.
It may be difficult but check out below are some advice in order to get your self and spirit back.
Allow Yourself to Feel the Heartbreak
One of the biggest mistakes when dealing with the heartbreak of divorce is to keep those feelings bottled up.
Negative emotions have a way of festering inside us. But they can also manifest in your life in a bad way.
Don’t be afraid to allow yourself to feel those negative emotions. You can also appreciate the positive feelings after you have experienced the slump.
Take a few days off from work. Maybe you can ask your parents to watch the kids and check into a hotel.
There you have the privacy to scream, cry, punch pillows, or binge-watch sad movies on Netflix while you much on junk food and ice cream.
Do whatever it takes to let those negative emotions like anger, sadness, and bitterness out of your system.
Surround Yourself with Love and Support
The best way to get past a broken marriage is to surround yourself with the love and support of friends and family. You badly need their support right in this difficult phase.
So as much as you might want to be alone, don’t push them away. Allow yourself some time to be with friends whom you can talk to and share your feelings with.
Ask them to help you through this and to pray with you (if you believe in God).
Their involvement may differ. They can be with you on the phone or messenger, or they can get more involved and help out with the kids. The truth is, you need them while you pick up the pieces of your life.
Maintain Daily Routines
One of the hardest things to do is to get back to your routine. This alone would pretty much remind you of the life you once had with your spouse.
Well, you may need a short break to allow yourself to feel and accept the permanency of divorce.
However, do not remain in that state for too long because that is unhealthy. It is important to remain constructive and productive. So try to keep your mind occupied.
As much as you can, continue with your normal daily routines at home and work.
In any case that your routine needs to be changed as a result of the divorce, figure out what needs to be done. Then create a new normal for yourself and the kids.
Indulge in Something You Love
A great way to cope with the heartbreak of divorce is to spend time doing the things that bring you peace and happiness.
Think about things your interests or the hobbies you always wanted to do but never got the time when you were married. Go and do them. Being productive would help you take your mind off the situation.
Moreover, doing something useful will boost your self-confidence and help you find your own identity once again.
Write it Down
Let out your pain through writing.
Begin journal writing on a regular basis. You can write about how you’re feeling on a particular day, a thought you may have had, or jot down some goals.
It would also be nice to write down inspirational quotes and positive phrases. One the days that you feel blue, open up your journal and be encouraged at how your journey is going.
Talk to a Therapist
There are some instances when all of the above suggestions do not work and the person’s mental health becomes worse.
Then it is time to reach out for professional help. It is very common for people to suffer from depression after the heartbreak of divorce. So don’t be ashamed to get help from a therapist. They are trained to help you cope with your emotions. Moreover, they can prescribe medication, as needed.
Going through the heartbreak of divorce may not be easy for you or for your children.
While it seems that you have to grin and bear it, the opposite is actually true. Take the time to care for your mental and emotional wellbeing. You deserve it after going through so much.
Meanwhile, here are stories about marriage that you might like to read.
- This year, hubby and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary during quarantine. Thankful for the blessings and our marriage.
- Build up your marriage by spending time with your spouse. In this crisis, you can have a Samgyeopsal Date at Home During Quarantine.
- Indulge in the things that you like doing most. Hubby and I like to watch K-Drama and then we Recreate Spicy Korean Dishes at Home.
- Your interests as a couple may differ from ours. The important thing is that we are aware of our spouse’s love language. Read: The Love Language of Asian Men – Mostly! | Inspired from Crash Landing on You
- No life or marriage is perfect. Read: When All You Can Do is to Be Strong for Your Husband
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